Dream-like

Dream
Something that you wake up from
Something that can seem to be true
But actually not
It can be beautiful
It can be otherwise

Dream-like
Something that is happening
Just that this time
It's entirely true

Joy, Happiness, Worries
They can all happen together

Of course, being myself
Joy and Happiness are the majority
Being older, wiser and practical (I hope)
I had my fair share of worries too (But diminishing)

This dream-like situation
Is knowing and being with Hui Han
The girl that I've never even dreamt of being close with

Our encounter goes way back to 3-4 years before
While I dreaded going to CCK as a full fledge pharmacist
It turned out to be a pretty good stop at that point of my life
Colleagues are nice and kind
Almost the best workplace in my opinion
If it's entirely rated based on co-workers only (haha!)
And then, the girl aced her interview and become a PT
Ms Liew liked her, she thought everyone would too
And turned out, Hui Han is truly a likeable girl
And I had the chance to precept her
No special feelings back then
She paid attention, took notes, improved
And I certainly enjoyed the process to witness her growth

Fast forward to 21st July 2016
A random thought while having dinner in one of my favourite Jap Restaurant
Why not go look for my dear colleagues in CCK?
Who shall be the one I contact?
A few names popped into my head
But this special one is the one I chosen in the end
A simple Hi!
A simple reply, started this dream-like interaction
And I smiled before, during and after my sleep ever since

Never thought would meet someone that thinks so alike
And guesses each others answers correctly
The feeling of finally meeting someone that knows you
Joy, amplified

My 28th birthday was awesome
A lot of effort was put in by Hui Han
And I've never been so pampered for such a long time
Lunch @ Saveur, Gold Class "Train to Busan", Singapore Flyers, Dinner @ Kanshoku, Cedele Choc Cake, 7+1 gifts
A fine day planned out, someone was still worried that the birthday day might not be pleased

Mankind are fearful of the unknown
Few brave ones chose to charge ahead
Some failed miserably
Some succeeded, momentarily
Some contented
However, ALL do not look back
All had a story to tell

I chose to charge forward again with her
Believing this time is better

Fix what is broken, not throw
Be kind, generous and resourceful
Give and not expecting to be paid back
Love, get hurt and love again
Live, do good and be content
Be trustworthy, keep your words and sleep well at night

天真的在看

最近突发奇想，反正生活也慢了下来

就想要可以做些什么帮助＋回馈恩约对我的照顾和教育

做回老本行，就来个药物管理教育及提供吧

这个念头在心里想了也有一段时间了，就是没有实际行动

就也不过是一通电话，就是没有打过去

今天，就打给Ruth院长，问问他们是不是需要这一方面的帮助

出乎预料的，她也同时有这样的想法，想要找我帮助

而且是这几天的事情

除了帮助整理药物之外，我也想付出每一个月RM500的贡献

我一直以为很多事情是一厢情愿

可是老天爷的完美计划，总是让我出乎预料

这不止made my day

还大大增强了我对神的信任，他总是在我左右，没有离弃

不管发生什么事，我都知道他一定知道

一切的付出，肯定不会白费

虽然最近蛮伤心，不过我并不孤单

谢谢Jesus

Blogger is still alive!

Long long time since the last post, time has passed and things have changed.

Don't know what prompted me to look back at this deserted blog and tons of memories came rushing back in my mind...

Beyond Pharmacy Sdn Bhd is now a reality, no longer a dream anymore. It is the outcome that I have worked so much for as seen in the previous blog posts. Only to realise, this is not the end of the journey, things have just started and there's more work to be done. I dream big dreams, reality hits me so hard sometimes, that I have to admit that I lose motivation along the way. Thank God, I'm not alone in this journey.

Coming back home has never been a smooth transition for me, I was an adult, I felt like a kid now. Closer physically with parents now, but emotionally far. I know I should be grateful, but I felt that freedom is not a privilege now anymore. Things adding up together, is growing up suppose to suck? Or the Man above is really showing me my limits, I'm not broken down yet, does it mean I'm meant for more? I don't know, but I continue to receive encouragements and motivations that I am so grateful for. So, I shall be convinced. Friends are really really important too.

One scary thing that still continue to daunt me from time to time: I constantly thought that I am still 26 years old whenever I am asked by online survey forms. 28, it doesn't justify the place that I'm at now, at least I feel this way. Things that people said and I used to brushed aside in the past are now chasing and trying to bite my tail. I'm the one telling people to cherish student life, I'm the one telling people to enjoy employment, so the wisdom is passed on like that from generations to generations.

Of course, life is not about sulking and sulking away! The satisfaction of treating and witnessing the recovery of a patient is so amazing that it brings voluntary smile on my face and heart. As of now, Beyond Pharmacy is still losing money every month, but I was told to have faith as things will start to get better in time. Know a few great partners in crime, in this hole together, Boon Fong, Kevin and Heng. 3 young pharmacists, trying to do ethical business in this hostile environment. We kept telling each other to make sure we have enough rest, fearing that one of us might collapse soon. The relationships make this journey less lonely, at least for me. And I hope I can be of good help for them too when the time comes.

I felt like I have said enough of work, but that's my life at this point of life! Keeping things afloat and learning every single day. All sorts of people, all sorts of behaviours, society teaches alot.

How strong is my heart? Very strong. What's inside my mind? I guess I know when I read back this post. Time will heal. People will heal. God will heal.

Counting down the days...again

Once again, I'm at the crossroad

But this time round, things are becoming clearer

And I know which turn I should take at the junction now!

It has always been a goal (vaguely at first, still kind of vague now)

For me to have my own business and "be a boss"

It has never been so daunting to think about it as a reality until recently

There's so many things to consider

So many things to decide

So many choices

I realised slowly that I have come to that age (if I haven't realised before)

That parents actually look at you blankly and wait for you to make decisions

Not to say that parents are not helpful (they had always been helpful, even now!)

But I guess that unwanted freedom sorta make me grow up a bit

Just like how I slowly don't need to ask for my mum's permission to open the fridge and eat the ice-cream as I grew older

Just that this time it's scaled up a bit, just a bit

My own pharmacy, the way to go

People may ask why give up the pay in dollars and go after ringgit

I would prefer that motivation and freedom to make decisions

Rather the monetary rewards

Many wise ones said, if you chase after money, it'll be never-ending journey.
Not to mention the journey is not gonna be pretty

Something inside my heart is just burning to make that change
And I just can't wait to see the impact that it's gonna generate
Big or small, as long as I'm checking my alignment with my conscience
I will be fine! In Jesus name!

Just had the once of a lifetime experience to hear Reinhard Bonnke, Daniel Kolenda, Todd White, Peter Van Den Berg and Chauncey Crandall preach.
If only I could look close enough at them, I would sure look into their eyes, to look for that burning flames for God
Ordinary men, not claiming any glory, but divert all to God
"I first become immune to the praises of men, thus it's easier to become immune to the criticisms of men"- Reinhard Bonnke

When is the time to act?

I guess this is the time. 

Auntie almost made me cry

Worked in polyclinic pharmacy for 2 years already
Countless heart-warming moments encountered ever since
Being put in such an environment is surely a blessing

Sometimes, the blessings are so huge that I felt like the community is serving me rather than the opposite
Life lessons are learnt almost everyday if you're willing to open up your eyes and heart to see and to feel

A moment of heartache almost always occurs to me when I have to hand over a huge bag of medications to an elderly uncle or auntie over the dispensing counter, while having the thoughts of them digging deep into their pockets to pay for those bitter and intimidating pieces of perceived life saving pills
Why do people need to work so hard their whole life only to reach this stage?
Is that the whole point of life-savings?
If you lack optimism in your life, learn from our uncles and aunties here...they taught me that!

Tears filled up my eyes
Thousand of thoughts rushed through my minds
When this auntie express her gratitude for what I have done few months ago and forgotten about
Trying to "make a difference" is our motto
But I guess this time, auntie made a difference instead
"ahboy you saved me..."
..."no auntie, you saved me!"

Isaiah 58:10-11
and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.

Define "Success" in John's words

At age 15,

I thought if I worked hard enough on basketball, I could play in the NBA

At age 17,

When I then finally joined my high school basketball team, through not the usual ordinary way whereby good players were invited to the training camp. Instead, that egoistic and concerned about self-image 17 years old went up to the coach and asked to be included in the team.

I could easily imagine what would happen if the coach said "NO" instead of "Come to the training camp and we shall see". I would have go back to my NBA dream, without any idea at all what basketball is really about, even might be until this very day.

That very year, I sentenced my own dream to death when I told myself that I was too late, after the training camp. Trying to fit in became my first priority, basketball had took to take a second place during that time. I wonder if I loved basketball then, I really wasn't sure what I was playing, basketball or fit-in-the-team game?

I blamed myself for giving up the chance of the invitation to the team 3 years ago, as I was too in love with football at that time. Basketball was just a game to train my leg muscles at that point of time. I jumped really hard, I ran really fast, I pushed myself to the limit of speed, I was blinded.

Nevertheless, I made the team, I got along with the players well, however my existence was a non-factor. I could either be in the team, or not, it didn't really matter. And I felt that way, truly. Nothing about my teammates, it was about me, trying so hard to fit in that I wasn't showing my true self to them in the first place anyway.

I didn't believe in God back then, but I could remember the magical moment during my last game in high school was nothing short of something supernatural. I would stand on the elbow just above the three-point line for every possession while we had the ball. That night, our point guard passed me the ball more than he usually did. Most nights, I would safely pass the ball away or shoot a three pointer if I'm open. Being in a close game, it would make more sense for me to just pass the ball away, my mentality then was- no mistake=good game. That moment of peace in me granted me an extraordinary insight of the game, that I would demand a screen from my center and make a jump shot off the dribble, not just once, but over and over again. I fought hard with my tears for them to stay where they should be when coach came beside me and said "Just shoot and make something happen when you have the ball" and ordered the team to pass me the ball. We lost that game, we lost the chance to advance to the next round, but I found back myself.

My life took a special turn, not a drastic turn, but a good deviation, from what I first deemed and defined "success" to be like, slowly but surely. I realised that success doesn't need to fit in the world's standards, success is largely self defined and has a lot to do with how you feel about yourself and your conscience. A win doesn't make a man successful anymore, to me. It sank deep right inside my heart, and I strive to live it out.

At age 25,

I love watching documentaries about people, I love how they stick with they original plans through struggles and pain. And what I love most about documentaries is what the subject's friends or family members say about them..."He hasn't changed", "He's still the same", "He still has that kid inside of him", "Money didn't manage to change him". That right there, are successes to me. That person, attaining successes, fighting through temptations that come along with it, and finally became the person that he is today. Priceless, to him and to people who witnessed it.

 

I'm only 26, I know not much about successes, I might not even reach that caliber my whole life in world's standards. One thing that I'm blessed to know, I live in the moment and I leave the uncertainties to the one who knows about it. I strive to help as much as I can, I control the devil that lures inside of me, and I celebrate little moments in life I smile and cry when things touches my heart...

生活。自由。知足

告别学生生涯将近两年了
昨天感觉好遥远
远的，好像不是时间
而是生活方式。。。

我大剌剌的说“不会想念澳洲！”的画面如今记忆犹新
我应该说“我应该不会想念澳洲！”
至少反悔时有个台阶
我大声向世界宣布“我要回家！”时
心中还带着股类似拯救世界的热忱
热忱仍在，但社会也狠狠地让我上了一堂课
如今，“我要回家！”仍然是我那股傻劲的动力
因为，我还没有回到家！
我的家，要有家人。

想念澳洲
倒不如说，我想念那生活方式
不能说那时无忧无虑，而是犯贱把忧虑往身上扛
生活很简单，很开心，节奏很舒服
当然，我也想念留在那里的右膝盖十字韧带
当时我自由吗？我想想，等下再回答。
我知足吗？不是时时刻刻。

如今成为上班族
生活基本上过得去
生活过得杠好！
有烦恼吗？我没有。
生活困苦？拜托。想被雷劈啊？
知足吗？开玩笑，没得嫌了啦。
自由？其实我这条鱼，不属于鱼缸

以前没有办法理解的事情
如今答案有了新的清晰度
人老了，高度也得往脑里长吧
很多事情其实没有表面看起来那么简单
这是很多“智者”尝试告诉你的
但是，人不跌到就没机会学爬起来
与其无知地暗地里批评别人的决定
我学会看得更深入，先了解再回复
人嘛，其实不必每一次都对
这个社会，自我主义暗地里泛滥
良心偶尔才拿出来用就行了
世俗，很少被道德限制了
上面这三句说得蛮狠的，有点绝
就告诉自己，做多数的那一派
还好我们还有很多“有关当局”和好人
世界上大多数还是好人
只是不怎么好的人说话比较大声
当你觉得这个世界变了样，安慰自己
瑕疵这两个字看起来那么复杂是有原因的
如果人不喜欢放大污点，就不会花心思研究那么难写的字了

有点离题-.-'''

对，我不属于鱼缸，我想其实大家都不属于
只是，我们都需要勇气
自由是不被定义和文字局限的
自由是个感觉
一种因人而异的感觉
当你觉得自由时，其实这个世界没有什么黑暗魔力可以把你打倒
对我来说，自由是快乐的来源
他不必被寻找，他就在你心里
也许囚犯不自由？也许奴隶不自由？
但饥饿孩童没有丧失快乐的权利
Nick Vujicic根本没有右膝盖十字韧带来给他弄断
也许我会常觉得打工是种约束
但很多时候，这个约束能够让我会心一笑
如果约束有好坏，这是个好的，我尽情享受

我想，如果你曾经说过要拯救世界
就应该知道超人的苦衷
他为世上错误的决定负责任，丢下自己原本不需要丢下的
电影教会我们，英雄是因牺牲而得其名的
当世界爱你时，其实他们一个个更爱他们自己
但是如果你能够超越爱的界限，你将改变世界
change the world
请提醒自己

我。其实很自由。
以前是，现在也是。