Counting down the days...again

Once again, I'm at the crossroad

But this time round, things are becoming clearer

And I know which turn I should take at the junction now!

It has always been a goal (vaguely at first, still kind of vague now)

For me to have my own business and "be a boss"

It has never been so daunting to think about it as a reality until recently

There's so many things to consider

So many things to decide

So many choices

I realised slowly that I have come to that age (if I haven't realised before)

That parents actually look at you blankly and wait for you to make decisions

Not to say that parents are not helpful (they had always been helpful, even now!)

But I guess that unwanted freedom sorta make me grow up a bit

Just like how I slowly don't need to ask for my mum's permission to open the fridge and eat the ice-cream as I grew older

Just that this time it's scaled up a bit, just a bit

My own pharmacy, the way to go

People may ask why give up the pay in dollars and go after ringgit

I would prefer that motivation and freedom to make decisions

Rather the monetary rewards

Many wise ones said, if you chase after money, it'll be never-ending journey.
Not to mention the journey is not gonna be pretty

Something inside my heart is just burning to make that change
And I just can't wait to see the impact that it's gonna generate
Big or small, as long as I'm checking my alignment with my conscience
I will be fine! In Jesus name!

Just had the once of a lifetime experience to hear Reinhard Bonnke, Daniel Kolenda, Todd White, Peter Van Den Berg and Chauncey Crandall preach.
If only I could look close enough at them, I would sure look into their eyes, to look for that burning flames for God
Ordinary men, not claiming any glory, but divert all to God
"I first become immune to the praises of men, thus it's easier to become immune to the criticisms of men"- Reinhard Bonnke

When is the time to act?

I guess this is the time. 

Auntie almost made me cry

Worked in polyclinic pharmacy for 2 years already
Countless heart-warming moments encountered ever since
Being put in such an environment is surely a blessing

Sometimes, the blessings are so huge that I felt like the community is serving me rather than the opposite
Life lessons are learnt almost everyday if you're willing to open up your eyes and heart to see and to feel

A moment of heartache almost always occurs to me when I have to hand over a huge bag of medications to an elderly uncle or auntie over the dispensing counter, while having the thoughts of them digging deep into their pockets to pay for those bitter and intimidating pieces of perceived life saving pills
Why do people need to work so hard their whole life only to reach this stage?
Is that the whole point of life-savings?
If you lack optimism in your life, learn from our uncles and aunties here...they taught me that!

Tears filled up my eyes
Thousand of thoughts rushed through my minds
When this auntie express her gratitude for what I have done few months ago and forgotten about
Trying to "make a difference" is our motto
But I guess this time, auntie made a difference instead
"ahboy you saved me..."
..."no auntie, you saved me!"

Isaiah 58:10-11
and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.

Define "Success" in John's words

At age 15,

I thought if I worked hard enough on basketball, I could play in the NBA

At age 17,

When I then finally joined my high school basketball team, through not the usual ordinary way whereby good players were invited to the training camp. Instead, that egoistic and concerned about self-image 17 years old went up to the coach and asked to be included in the team.

I could easily imagine what would happen if the coach said "NO" instead of "Come to the training camp and we shall see". I would have go back to my NBA dream, without any idea at all what basketball is really about, even might be until this very day.

That very year, I sentenced my own dream to death when I told myself that I was too late, after the training camp. Trying to fit in became my first priority, basketball had took to take a second place during that time. I wonder if I loved basketball then, I really wasn't sure what I was playing, basketball or fit-in-the-team game?

I blamed myself for giving up the chance of the invitation to the team 3 years ago, as I was too in love with football at that time. Basketball was just a game to train my leg muscles at that point of time. I jumped really hard, I ran really fast, I pushed myself to the limit of speed, I was blinded.

Nevertheless, I made the team, I got along with the players well, however my existence was a non-factor. I could either be in the team, or not, it didn't really matter. And I felt that way, truly. Nothing about my teammates, it was about me, trying so hard to fit in that I wasn't showing my true self to them in the first place anyway.

I didn't believe in God back then, but I could remember the magical moment during my last game in high school was nothing short of something supernatural. I would stand on the elbow just above the three-point line for every possession while we had the ball. That night, our point guard passed me the ball more than he usually did. Most nights, I would safely pass the ball away or shoot a three pointer if I'm open. Being in a close game, it would make more sense for me to just pass the ball away, my mentality then was- no mistake=good game. That moment of peace in me granted me an extraordinary insight of the game, that I would demand a screen from my center and make a jump shot off the dribble, not just once, but over and over again. I fought hard with my tears for them to stay where they should be when coach came beside me and said "Just shoot and make something happen when you have the ball" and ordered the team to pass me the ball. We lost that game, we lost the chance to advance to the next round, but I found back myself.

My life took a special turn, not a drastic turn, but a good deviation, from what I first deemed and defined "success" to be like, slowly but surely. I realised that success doesn't need to fit in the world's standards, success is largely self defined and has a lot to do with how you feel about yourself and your conscience. A win doesn't make a man successful anymore, to me. It sank deep right inside my heart, and I strive to live it out.

At age 25,

I love watching documentaries about people, I love how they stick with they original plans through struggles and pain. And what I love most about documentaries is what the subject's friends or family members say about them..."He hasn't changed", "He's still the same", "He still has that kid inside of him", "Money didn't manage to change him". That right there, are successes to me. That person, attaining successes, fighting through temptations that come along with it, and finally became the person that he is today. Priceless, to him and to people who witnessed it.

 

I'm only 26, I know not much about successes, I might not even reach that caliber my whole life in world's standards. One thing that I'm blessed to know, I live in the moment and I leave the uncertainties to the one who knows about it. I strive to help as much as I can, I control the devil that lures inside of me, and I celebrate little moments in life I smile and cry when things touches my heart...